Trigger warning – infertility, IVF, cycle failure.
One of the main reasons I wanted to start this blog was to share my story.
The hard part is.. there’s a few dozen places I could start. But the most important part lately was postpartum depression.
Rewind to 2015. Specifically.. April 2015. My fiance and I were due to be wed in just two short months. We couldn’t wait to get married and have a family. I decided to buck the system (this is common – you’ll learn that about me) and throw caution to the wind (also common) and I went off birth control. I figured if I were pregnant at the wedding, I just wouldn’t drink. No one would have to know, and quite frankly we’d been together four years with good jobs and a house with a room begging to be filled with all things baby. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to put this off any longer. I wanted the bump, the glow, and the baby.
I’d been on the pill for years. This routine was as critical to me as breathing. No pill = pregnant instantly. Or so I was told.
May came and went. Negative test. June came and went, as did the wedding. I tested on our honeymoon. Negative test. The months flew by with negative test after negative test.
Now it’s October. I paid a visit to my OB-GYN to see if I was doing something wrong. We weren’t using protection. No contraceptives of any kind. But also no period. This wasn’t entirely new. I went months on end without a cycle in my younger teen years, but I was also enviously thin and athletic, so I assumed my weight and activity level were the culprit.
“Sometimes it just takes time for your body to regulate after being on birth control. I don’t do that ‘John and Kate + 8’ stuff though. Here’s some pills that should make you ovulate, call me if you get pregnant.”
Any aficionado of all things fertility, lack thereof, or conception, is falling out of their chair and dying right now. This doctor didn’t. have. a. clue.
She sent me out the door with Clomid and progesterone. For anyone not clued into these two drugs, they require monitoring, testing, and close observation. I was sent home and told to take one followed by the other and that’s it. No testing. No monitoring. Nothing. Not even a reason as to why I wasn’t getting pregnant.
I took the pills. Naive little me – no questions asked. I wanted a baby. I tracked every little symptom. Every little twinge. Every time my husband and I did the baby dance (sex, for those not into the fertility lingo.)